Fridgeless in LA

Six months in LA - dream big or go home.

Here's how it all started: Last August, our honeymoon in LA - we said "Let's do it. Let's give it a shot." I said no way, not without everything in place, not without papers and an agent and manager and solid prospects. That's how I work.

But getting all that in place would take at least six months. . So why not just go and take a risk, see what happens?

Because it's foolish and naive and financially risky - that's the "rational" voice, who I will call "Harold". Harold says, "Think about how many people have done it this way and failed miserably, come home with their tail between their legs..." etc. etc. He is right of course. Millions have tried and become disillusioned. But I've been rational my whole life and where has it got me? Safe. Well safe makes me sick folks, so let's try something new and bold - and if it's foolish, then call me a fool. No more comfort zone for me, I'm a fool in LA

So what is it I want to do here? I can't think about that right now. Too many details to think about - like buying a fridge. And too many stories to tell. Like our flight - and how J's jaw dropped when the security people told us we had to take the cats out of the carriers and bring them with us through the scanner. "What if they get scared and jump away?" I tried to remain calm, even though I was worried too - Pooka especially is unpredictable at the best of times. I looked around at the throngs of poor passengers, waiting to be grilled and felt up in the new age of paranoid air travel. "One of them will catch her."

There were about 10 lines. I saw a lovely chatty younger lady with a nice smile. I picked her line. Turned out she was a cat owner herself and she put J at ease. I grabbed on to Metta with all my might and went through. She didn't move. Neither did Pook. They were too freaked to be scared. I'm sure the kiddie Gravol we gave them helped.

Look, I am not a cat person. But J is. They are her babies. The next day, our first in LA, I went down to the local Starbucks to scope out Craigslist for a fridge. When I got back, J looked all red and raw. "Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed..." Apparently she couldn't find Pook and assumed she had sneaked out the door when either I or Campbell had left. She rushed out still in her nightie, furiously scanning the hood, yelling for Pook, frantically enlisting the help of several friendly neighbors who were more than willing to help a pet loving freaked out lady.

Turns out Pook was just hiding behind the couch.

Monday: We desperately need a fridge. Why people take their fridges with them when they move in LA is beyond me. Everybody's lugging around these huge monsters, buying and selling them - there's even a side business for fridge movers - fifty bucks they'll move your fridge anywhere in town. Anyway, we need one. Some landlord Jesse says he's going to sell me his fridge and deliver it. We arrange everything - 8 pm. He never comes. He won't answer his phone. I go over to the hotel and steal some ice and we get an overpriced styro foam bucket from the local store - and we're set with a few eggs and butter for breakfast. Camping out in LA.

We have decided to not get a TV. This should help us maximize our creative time in LA. Which has made it even more desperate for us to get connected to internet. I am furiously attempting to that set up, plus US cel phones and a home line. Basically it is hell trying to organize anything like this when you are from out of the US of A and don't have a social security #. Good thing they always end the call with a friendly "Have a great day!" Disconnected in LA.

Tues:
Campbell is staying with us - he's going to finish writing his one man show and Larry is going to direct him. Campbell drove our car down arriving on Jan 1 and when he got here he was shocked - he couldn't spot a straight person. "This is like the West End times 10!". Yes, we live in the heart of "Boys Town". Which means we have especially friendly neighbors. Which means I get checked out instead of J - now that's a refreshing switch. Campbell and I are the new boys in town and we're getting a lot of attention.

West Hollywood, where we live, is fantastic. Just steps to the famous Sunset Strip and a few minutes drive to Beverly Hills, the Beverly Center, the Grove and Farmer's Market and Hollywood, we have it all. Quiet, quaint and well governed, I think we live in the best part of LA. The Starbucks on the corner is a hotbed of writers, directors, musicians and other (mostly gay) movers and shakers. You can overhear them making deals and working on projects. Great place for me to make important connections. Up on the strip, the Coffee Bean is another hangout for the rich and famous. These will be my offices away from home in the coming months. I have also heard that hanging out at the Starbucks outside the Directors Guild is a great place to run into the likes of Steven Spielberg or Jonathan Demme or Kevin Spacey...

Wed: Star Sightings: We have a competition. So far Campbell has seen: Amber Smith of Dr. Drew's Celeb Rehab and Sex Rebab; Evan Handler of Californication and Sex in the City. We have spotted Katey Segal from Married With Children, Bill Maher, and our favorite - Andy Dick (Celebrity Rehab). So it's 3 to 2 us. I know, B list - but we'll take what we can get.

We were at the Farmer's Market and we came upon a fight breaking out. There was punching and yelling and pretty soon a loud voice yelling "Security! Security!!". Pretty soon a paparazzi was running like a bat out of hell to the perimeter of the market. He was still shooting video. The security started chasing him. Then we saw Andy Dick scurrying away. One of the security guards - a Neanderthal looking guy, tried to cuff the paparazzi and confiscate his camera - but the good cop guard calmed him down. A Mexican lady was freaking out - "It was the celebrity's fault - he was hitting him - this is no right!". J took the opportunity to casually pose in the sight line of the Paparazzi's camera just in case it got on TMZ. We never checked because our internet still wasn't hooked up.

Thurs: Apparently Ben Kingsley lives in our building. That's right, Sir Ben. According to Maria, our Romanian landlord, he is a very, very nice man. Haven't spotted him yet but I may have spotted his car - a veiled Porche (I think) sitting in the parking spot right next to ours. Just a hunch. I also have a hunch he is in England and won't be back until the big publicity blitz for his latest movie. I have no idea what to say to him if I meet him in the elevator. Do I call him Ben? Sir Ben? Neighbor? Do I ask him to play the guru in my movie? I'm sure I will make a fool of myself in any case. But hey, I am a fool in LA, so I'm fine with that.

First Accident. We decide to take a break from our high speed nesting process (we must get everything in order so we can get to work next week!), and Campbell's incessant writing. We go to Santa Monica and as I am pulling into the parkade, Campbell says, "Hey, there's a meter on the street!" I reverse and BANG! I have rear ended my own rear end. Shit!!!! I get out to inspect the damage. Of course, it's a Mercedes Benz and I have clearly dinged his front bumper. The rather cool and collected grey haired man gets out, looks at my Audi and sees there is a good dent on the front bumper. Shakes his head. Looks at his own car. "Yeah, you scraped me a bit too." I stand there feeling like a complete idiot - stupid Canadian. He gives his head a little shake. "Know what, why don't we just forget it." Incredulous, I look at J who is getting out the car. She nods a definite "yes!". Okay. So we let it go. Welcome to LA. I have a dent in my Audi. So much for pulling up for a lunch at Chi Chi and looking cool. I thank the Mercedes owner profusely. He says, "Have a great day.".

Why does everybody in LA say "Have a great day."? I am really not sure yet. But it is encouraging. In general people here are incredibly friendly. Maybe it's the great weather. Maybe it's wishful thinking. Maybe it's just - well - nice. Maybe it's - if you don't make it today, if you don't land the big deal, have a spectacular meeting, get the audition, sell the screenplay - at least have yourself a great day. After all, it's sunny here all the time and who can be depressed when it's sunny?

J and I both get a text. Elena is coming! Elena has arrived! Elena is going out tonight with a bunch of people we should meet! Thursday night, she says, is the real party night for the stars because Fri and Sat the regular people go out. We must come! And the Texans are in town!
Texans? Yes the city is swarming with them and every hotel is booked, including the one opposite us - the cowboys hooting and hollering from their balconies. It's game time!

We arrive at the swank Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood around ten and sure enough the pool bar is filled with disappointed Texans who just lost the BCS Championship Bowl to Alabama. It's a disappointing atmosphere but they are still drinking to take away the pain. Paul Armstrong is in town and he's making deals . He is going to introduce me to some people who might help me with Hot For Nirvana. We take an early leave and promise to meet them Friday night.

Friday: Modem finally arrives and although it takes me hours of speaking to an overly polite techie in Bangladesh, I get the thing on line. We are in business! While shopping at Target, Larry Gilman phones. Dan Fauci is directing a web show and wants us to come down Saturday. Might be an part for me - or maybe Dan wants me on the crew - not sure, just come on down to Culver City.

Friday night we meet near here at an upscale bar where drinks cost minimum $13. Paul is there and introduces me to Frank who is an independent producer who is still looking for the big home run project. Thinks he might be able to help me. We exchange numbers. We see Jesse Rosenberg (Adventureland) walk in with a nap sack.

Elena wants to go to a club and Dave, who is also there, knows people. We decline feeling like the effort of getting to Hollywood, parking, paying for expensive drinks - won't be worth it - plus I have to get up to go to my potential first LA acting gig. We go outside and I realize I am missing fifty bucks! I go back, look everywhere. I'm really pissesd with myself - but all this US money looks the same and it's easy to give a waiter a 50 instead of a 5. And the prick waiter we had would never fess up.

I've given up, feeling defeated and foolish and we start walking home when J casually hands me a fifty dollar bill! "I just found it on the sidewalk but didn't want to shout it out in case it wasn't yours." Well of course it was mine! I am truly relieved becasuse frankly, the biggest stress I have is money. Will I have enough to get us through 6 months? And the expenses just keep racking up. Harold reminds me - "Idiot Canadian goes to Hollywood and spends all his savings -comes back with nothing but a bunch of useless phone numbers in his iPhone." I tell Harold to "shut the #$%#@ up!"

iPhone: Everyone here has one. Nobody is present, they all have their faces buried in this miraculous gadget - feeling like they are connecting to others - but are they? Is this real connection? In a way I loathe the smart phone, but I am in LA and I think I need one.

First it was supposed to be J's father's old phone I was to inherit. But I refused - I wanted something better. After checking out all the available phones here, nothing looked sexy enough. What I really want, but can't afford (says Harold) is an iPhone. I've been wanting one for years now. Just so happens our guy Bobby at the cel store on Melrose just got a used one in - 3 months old. I say I can't afford it and we drive half way around LA looking for a cheaper alternative when J and I have a heart to heart. "Look she says, if you really want the iPhone, you should just get it - you could use part of your clothing fund for it." My eyes light up. Do I deserve it though? "Go run around the parking lot with your hands in the air and shout - I deserve an iPhone!". I do it. I actually do it - and people are watching. "Did it land?" J asks. I nod, "Yes, it landed. Now lets go get that friggin' phone before someone else does!"

Saturday: We all head down to Culver City - me, J, Campbell and my new iPhone - and it's great to see Larry. Dan looks stressed. He comes out for lunch and confesses directing is not his thing, but no one else would do it. This is a web cast about an art collector who makes dishes out of materials from radioactive sites like Chernobyl. It's starring TV actors Patrick Bree and Alisa Donovan. Dan confers with Larry and Patrick and I am to play Michael Ovitz (from behind). The shoot is quick and easy and there we are - my first LA gig in the bag! No bucks but hey, the first one's always free. Before we leave, Campbell arranges to meet with Larry for his play. I arrange to meet with Dan to talk about our own TV series - "Touchy Feely".

Later: We drive down to Melrose to clothes shop. Yes this is a necessity because to be successful in LA, one must be dressed for LA. J decides to call Elena to see how her night went. Well J must be psychic because Elena has just been dropped off - like 2 blocks away! We meet up and she tells us the club was great - Dave knew everyone and they were treated like VIPs - all drinks paid for. At one point she was talking to a cute guy who she learned later, was from Entourage. She's never watched it. Turns out she was hanging with Adrian Grenier. She was telling him her friend knew people and could get them into other clubs. Adrian must have loved that.

"Well shit - we should have gone after all" J said, looking disappointed. Adrian would be great as the lead in Hot For Nirvana. "Yeah" said I, "For about 4 million.". J hates it when I say things like that. Limiting beliefs. She is right. Maybe Adrian is dying to play a celibate Krishna who meets and falls in love with an East Indian stripper. Anyway, I have a feeling we will run into him again.

We have been in LA one week. Feels like a month. Feels like a big dream. So much possibility, so many people, so many cars, so much to do. We pretty much have the apartment in order. We are connected. I have an iPhone. We have a fridge. Next week we start working on the creative stuff, on the careers. As I write this it is raining for the first time since we got here. Kind of a relief. Reminds me of home and dear friends. But before the work begins in earnest - there is one more big thing we must take care of. A place we have to go. It's called Disneyland...